So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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