You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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