Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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