im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
