I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
