He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
