what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
