Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
