I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
