he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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