is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just threw up on my dentist
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
