My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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