1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
