If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
