Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
