If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
