We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
