wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
