Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
