dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
