you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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