You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
