Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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