I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
