I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
