In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
