I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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