So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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