guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
