Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
