its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She made me pour olive oil on her.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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