All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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