my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
