Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
