Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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