Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
