But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
