I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
