Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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