When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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