youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
