So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
