sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
