Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
