Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
