Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Shame - the story of my life.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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