dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
