I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
