He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
