tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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