this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Randomize
