Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
