three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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