you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
